I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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