Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
