Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
