im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
