i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
