I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
