Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Randomize
