Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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