wrigley field is MILF paradise
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
