My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
