Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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