I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
its liver damage thursday
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
