Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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