I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
