Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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