Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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