I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
