Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
