Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
