she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
