No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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