I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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