I could make wine with my vomit
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
