i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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