:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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