Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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