My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
