I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
