Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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