My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
