SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
