They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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