i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
