Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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