Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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