she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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