Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
