Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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