why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
