If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
