what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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