Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
