I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
