My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience π€·π»ββοΈ
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