Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
