i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
