I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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