Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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