Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
