she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
