there's paper in my vomit.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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