It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
