there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
