I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
