I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
