kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
