I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
