she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
