i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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