someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
