Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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