soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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