It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
