Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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