Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize