I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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